Thursday, March 19, 2009

Take My Furginity




Mark 10:6-8 (King James Version):

6But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
7For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
8And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

When God said all that stuff about marriage and two becoming one, He explicitly meant a man and a woman, not biped fox people. Furthermore, when God sent his only Son down to Planet Earth to die for our sins, he didn't send a fox. He sent a person: Human Jesus.

So you can throw all the promise rings at each other that you want, it doesn't matter. 'Waiting' won't get you into heaven. You don't see fursuited fox nuns walking around claiming to be married to Furry Jesus. So go ahead and have some whorish furry fun - 'cuz God doesn't give a shit about how "pure" fox people might be... Not my God.









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Wednesday, March 18, 2009

An Ironic Laughter Filled the Room...

With movies as expensive as they are and all of my credit card rates suddenly going up, I can hardly afford to go a theater these days. Sometimes I have to just give my little cousin a cigarette and a bag of oregano and he'll explain it to me...








The storytelling is a little choppy, but I can see why Heath Ledger got that Oscar.






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Friday, March 13, 2009

Insane Clown Pussy




"NORMAL FRIENDS: Never ask for FAYGO.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: are the reason you have no FAYGO.

NORMAL FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.

NORMAL FRIENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that shit was fun!"

NORMAL FRIENDS: never seen you cry.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: cry with you.

NORMAL FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

NORMAL FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.

NOMAL FRIENDS:ASK WHAT A FAYGO SHOWER IS
JUGGALO FRIENDS:SAY "WHAT TIME AND WHERE?IM FUCKIN AMPED NOW!!!"

NORMAL FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

NORMAL FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HERE BITCH!WHERE'S THE FAYGO????!!!"

NORMAL FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: Are for life.

NORMAL FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste shit.

NORMAL FRIENDS: will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out.

NORMAL FRIENDS: Would ignore this.
JUGGALO FRIENDS: Will send this to all there JUGGALO friends and hope to get it back!! I sent this 2 u cuz I think ur a DOWN-ASS JUGGALO FRIEND send this to all your friends and if u get 6 back you are a JUGGALO FRIEND"



I love that ICP fans exist. I love it when they talk about shit like running around with a hatchet and fucking shit up, with a fantasy in their head about being some untamable maniac loosed on the earth tearing up the night that y'all better watch out for. Because what that really amounts to is an awkward teenager with makeup smeared all over his bumpy face running through your backyard with a rusty, dull hatchet he found in his parents' garage. And that would make an awesome drawing. I'd do it myself, but I'm way too high right now and I'm all out of Faygo.

Also, J Murder Dawg Face up there at the top on the left looks like an 18th century Japanese samurai drawing. That's friggin' awesome. Especially compared to the second piece... Fuckin' sellouts.





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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Lycanthrob




I was drinking at this Moroccan joint one night where there was a belly dancer performing. I was enjoying the show until I noticed her dark happy trail; like a gorilla's arm struggling to pull her bellybutton back into her skirt.

Immediately I thought, "Eww, gross", but then I realized I was already halfway to Bonertown on the PreCum Express. I had to confess that maybe I kind of liked it...

So you can imagine why now, my boner is fighting my right thigh for legroom like my pants were the Gaza Strip.



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Wiiasted Time

This is why God invented YouTube.



I watched it 20 times before I went to bed last night and 10 more times before I left the house this morning. I don't know who the other 21,500+ people who watched this are, but I hope that after I light my face on fire and throw myself over a bridge in front of a moving semi with a bomb strapped to my chest, I get to meet those people in Heaven where we can all talk about it and ROFL over it for eternity.



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Friday, March 6, 2009

My Mutant Power is Pete Wentz

Did you ever wonder what would happen if Wolverine had kids? Well stop. Someone figured it out.

They're a bunch of scrappy teens who spend all of their money at Hot Topic and fucking love Fall Out Boy.





And the older twins are always pissing off their younger brother. It's fucking adorable. Until he gets upset about it and runs off crying, eyeliner streaming down his little baby face, to go hide in the closet where he cuts himself.

Don't worry though - he's Wolverine's son. He'll be fine. That shit will just heal right up and nobody will be the wiser. It's just between him and his Billie Joe Armstrong poster.






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Tuesday, March 3, 2009

LOL! TO MUCH SUGAR I GESS!! LOL!!!



I found this one as a black and white page that was just part of a whole story that was at least one page too long. I then added the color and the text myself because that's what I wish this was actually about.
But it's not. It's really about something far, far worse.



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