Monday, May 4, 2009

Wet n' Wild

If you were born being shot down a water slide, you'd think it's pretty much guaranteed that your life is going to be super fun and awesome. But actually, it's all downhill from there.


Ok, Joke #2:

Why is this woman holding her ankles in the air, grinning her way down the Daredevil Drop? Well, what you can't see is me standing at the bottom of the slide with my boner aimed right up there.
You see, due to its enormous girth, a lucky female will sometimes have to achieve great speeds to get up onto my man-meat. It'll usually have to be at least 88mph, which is why I call my penis The Delorean.

Monday, April 13, 2009

The Case of Boner v. Eyeballs

The perspective on this kind of makes my eyes want to jump out of my skull in front of a speeding minivan, but my aspiring boner is all, "Fuck you, eyes! You're not going anywhere - you can almost see the labia on the one on the right! Don't make me come up there!"

Friday, April 10, 2009

The Circle of Awesome!

I was sitting around earlier, playing with my balls and wondering, "What would Fail Out Boy's Pete Wentz look like if he were a lion cub in Disney's The Lion King?"

Wow! Thanks, Internet!! LOL!!

Oh, and fuck me upside down! Here he is in all three Ds!!! Score!

Alright, any one of us would be lying if we said we'd never tried to fuck a balloon. That's a given. Some of us get stuck on that for a long time though. Just like how some people can take a few hits of the pot, have a good time, then walk away, while others will go out and buy pot leaf posters, hockey jerseys, and decals for their GrandAm and make it their life, some people will want to marry balloons and/or inflate everything they see...

And then sometimes this happens, even though I kind of wish it didn't...

I think I'm supposed to LOL at this one, but... I don't know, man. I just can't.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Blue Man Groupies

Aaaaaahahahaha!!! It's that guy! From the movie that's out!! And he's all "Hey! I'm the real Blue Man! You guys better scram!" And they don't even comprehend. 'Cuz they're Blue Men, and they only understand shooting ping pong balls out of PVC tubing! OMG, that's so genius! I just ROFLed so hard I puked!

Also, furries love the Blue Man Group:

You know what the best part about furries are? Most of them don't stop there. People in fursuits? That's cool. Awesome drawings of animal people. Sweet. But that shit's just the tip of the iceberg...

Pregnant male furry fetishists...? FUCK! YEAH!

This is awesome!! There's a whole website of people who are into this... I feel like I've finally found my home. I never could have imagined anything awesomer than a pregnant raccoon man. And look, his little bundle of joy is kicking!

How did he get pregnant, you ask? You're a fuckin' idiot and your question pisses me off. That's why God invented Photoshop. Same way I can paste your mom's face on Gisele Bundchen's body. I know her milk bags don't hang like that anymore, but you can't stop me from thinking about it - and then making a picture of it and posting it all over the internets.

And now I'm thinking, how much cooler would Junior have been? Um, about this much cooler...

Thursday, March 26, 2009


Oh, yeah! Go for it, you lucky sonuvabitch!!

Man, I wish I lived in medieval times with the dragons. I'd be the King of Dragon Slayers. And by 'slayer,' I mean one who makes dragon bitches cum fucking rivers all the fuck over the great virgin land.

Yeah, I'd "slay" that shit alright.